Choices

This might sound dumb. But I feel like my life is not mine any more. I work 6 days a week. I wake up at 7 am to make it to work by 8. That might not sound like too bad, but, it is. After work I do not have any energy to do anything. It is summer. All my friends are out of school. We like to hang out wee into the hours of the morning. I have to be home and in bed by at least 11:30 (but 10:30 is my real bed time) or else I cannot do my job. This week alone I worked over 40 hours. That might not sound like a lot, but it is a lot. I can think "oh this is for Kenya." But some times that is not enough. 4 kids under the age of 27 months. Yes triplets that are 2 and there sister who just turned 11 months on Thursday.
I am a nanny/ moms helper, basically. I am a PRO bottle and kid-eating-wear washer. I am pro at vacuuming. I am pro at not reading other peoples minds (who would have thought.) I am pro at being yelled at. I am pro at being hit, changing nappies, holding kids and giving cuddles. What else would I want, right?
I struggle with this job and do not know what to do. This week I almost quit. I have a feeling that if I need or want a day off it would not happen. I cannot just stay in California all summer. For reals. Sunday is my only day off and that is all filled with church activities.
Do I go part time?
Do I give my 2 weeks notice?
Do I say 'I will work for you till you find a new nanny'?
Do I wait till they are finished moving and stress goes down to see how things work out?
Do I tell them I can babysit for them when ever but it just is not working out?
Its been 3 and a half weeks and I still do not love it. That is enough time to see if you love something. The kids like me. That is all that matters right? No. It is not.
I feel like the mom hates me. I feel like I can never do anything right. I feel like she is breathing down my neck all the time. I do good when she is not there. I play with the kids when she is not there, we actually play really well together. But, I feel like she does not have confidence in me. I feel like anyone else in the world would love me. I am sure that is being conceded. But I personally think I am really great with kids. I enjoy kids. They are hilarious and they love you so easily.
I love the kids I work with. Issac and I are buddies sense day one, Lily is a sweet heart, Jack's laugh and eyes are the best, and Bailey's kisses are just the funniest things.
But is that enough?

Soup

I have really been missing IT a lot lately. I know you all know what I am talking about. Is it odd that I want soup on a really hot day? When I lived in Kenya, on the hottest days we would make soup or have hot coco so that it did not feel so hot outside. 

Today I was looking at my friends pictures. She still lives in Kenya. She went back to visit the boys this past weekend. I do not think I have ever been so jealous. I can tell that the boys are gowning. Oh my. Just imagine how big they will be by the next time I see them. 

Tony is behind Jack, Austin is in front of Jack I am holding Harrison then you can see Opondo's eye.

I miss there laughs and hearing them say what class kesho? and KALEIGH, MEGAN, KALEIGH, MEGAN all day long. I miss hot days every day. (yes, it is getting warmer now, but its not hot every day yet, just hear and there.)  I miss Tony. I miss Phobian Big-E and Harrison. I might even miss the nasty men, they are SO funny. I miss my hair being braided. (I know I can get it done in America but it is not as cool.) I miss night time TV and hugs. I miss going to random orphanages. I miss walking up the hill with the elders just chatting about life. I miss Oscar, Gabby and Brian. I miss church there a LOT. But, most of all I really miss how much an adventure every day was. Everything was an adventure. Going to the bathroom was even an adventure with lizards or huge spiders coming out of no where. 

I am saving my money. (I am 1/3 saved) I am going to go back to Kenya, SURPRISE. December 26 is the goal date to leave. But we will see what really happens. The only 2 things I want to do different this year are, to go to the giraffe center for a longer time and to spend more time with the boys.