Choices

This might sound dumb. But I feel like my life is not mine any more. I work 6 days a week. I wake up at 7 am to make it to work by 8. That might not sound like too bad, but, it is. After work I do not have any energy to do anything. It is summer. All my friends are out of school. We like to hang out wee into the hours of the morning. I have to be home and in bed by at least 11:30 (but 10:30 is my real bed time) or else I cannot do my job. This week alone I worked over 40 hours. That might not sound like a lot, but it is a lot. I can think "oh this is for Kenya." But some times that is not enough. 4 kids under the age of 27 months. Yes triplets that are 2 and there sister who just turned 11 months on Thursday.
I am a nanny/ moms helper, basically. I am a PRO bottle and kid-eating-wear washer. I am pro at vacuuming. I am pro at not reading other peoples minds (who would have thought.) I am pro at being yelled at. I am pro at being hit, changing nappies, holding kids and giving cuddles. What else would I want, right?
I struggle with this job and do not know what to do. This week I almost quit. I have a feeling that if I need or want a day off it would not happen. I cannot just stay in California all summer. For reals. Sunday is my only day off and that is all filled with church activities.
Do I go part time?
Do I give my 2 weeks notice?
Do I say 'I will work for you till you find a new nanny'?
Do I wait till they are finished moving and stress goes down to see how things work out?
Do I tell them I can babysit for them when ever but it just is not working out?
Its been 3 and a half weeks and I still do not love it. That is enough time to see if you love something. The kids like me. That is all that matters right? No. It is not.
I feel like the mom hates me. I feel like I can never do anything right. I feel like she is breathing down my neck all the time. I do good when she is not there. I play with the kids when she is not there, we actually play really well together. But, I feel like she does not have confidence in me. I feel like anyone else in the world would love me. I am sure that is being conceded. But I personally think I am really great with kids. I enjoy kids. They are hilarious and they love you so easily.
I love the kids I work with. Issac and I are buddies sense day one, Lily is a sweet heart, Jack's laugh and eyes are the best, and Bailey's kisses are just the funniest things.
But is that enough?